I went back through my journals and found where it all started. I was in college and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I had opened a small retail store and wasn't sure what I wanted to do. My friends had helped me set up the store and get it opened. My future husband (let's call him Joe) was called by my friends to help. We hit it off and began dating.
After about a year of dating, things started to get serious, at least for me. I was in love with Joe. And after reading a few entries, I come across one where Joe demanded to read my journal. So I let him. After that, I didn't write in it for almost 3 months. It wasn't private anymore. I tried to make the best of it for a while, but eventually gave up writing in it.
Reading back through some of the entries, I'm struck by how certain things in my life repeat. From the beginning with Joe, he didn't want anything in my life that he didn't know about. During the entirety of our marriage, I tried to keep journals off and on. Joe couldn't stand it, and I usually ended up giving in and letting him read them. There was nothing in them, just private thoughts and musings, but after letting him read them, I always felt somehow violated. A prime example of his emotional abuse - I was allowed no privacy. I didn't see it that way then, of course.
If you are with someone who allows you no privacy, even in your thoughts - run!!
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